Remember a few days ago when I said that long distance wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be? I take it back. Actually, I don’t blame it completely on the distance or on him at all for that matter. This week has simply been a hard one. I’ve allowed stress to take the best out of me and I have neglected the very well needed me time. I had forgotten how hard it was to come back home and have my siblings to take care of. Being at school I got used to being able to spend time in my dorm by myself whenever I needed it. Here there is always a chipmunk screaming or needing help, there is truly nowhere to scape.
For one hour every night, I get to call him, and the distance almost disappears. We talk about the day or we sit in silence simply enjoying each other’s presence, but today we barely talked. Dinner time is far gone, and it is almost time for bed. No matter how much I want it, the phone call won’t happen. It has been a long week for the both of us and to be completely honest all I have done is complain about it. He has been listening to me talk about all the things my siblings do and how much I miss him.
Today he opted for no phone call, and of course my brain decided to think of all of the possible reasons as to why he wouldn’t want to talk, all of them horrifying and negative reasons that summarized in his lack of love for me. I couldn’t help it. But it is nothing of that sort, he is simply tired. My brain immediately thought “if he truly loved me, he would call me even if he was tired” and I sat there angry for a while until I realized that if I loved him at all, I would understand that he is tired. He is the kind of person who won’t even order food if can’t do it online because he’ll do whatever is in his power to avoid talking in the phone, and yet he talks to me every night. Perhaps I should be the one doing the sacrifice this time and allowing him to rest instead of calling. So, I am staying away from the phone because I know that if I call he will answer and he will talk, even if he said he would rather not.
It has made me think of everything he is whiling to do just for me. That’s love after all, isn’t it? To place the other before your own needs and desires, to want their happiness and well-being before your own, right? I often forget about that, I expect it from him but I sure as hell forget to do the same. I think that the number one reason why relationships fail is because we go around expecting to be treated like royalty but refuse to do the same for our significant other. Why? Because we have this idea in our head that we deserve the absolute best and we forget that to deserve the best we first need to be the best. If I want to have the best boyfriend in the universe (and believe me I already do) I first have to be the best possible girlfriend, because he deserves it. We can’t ask for gold in exchange for a few pebbles, that isn’t love.