I have been wanting to post this for a while now, but it has been hard to actually do it. Finally, here it is.
How is all started
Last year I began feeling absolutely miserable around summer time. It was especially hard because I had people around me, who (in good intention) constantly told me I had nothing to complain about because of how wonderful my life is. While it is true that I have been very fortunate to have the life I have, I have also been dealing with depression on and off since high school. It is not something I had talked to anyone about until last year, when I opened up to BJ about my feelings, and it was him who encouraged me to seek help and go to therapy.
Some of you might have already caught on and maybe suspected it, because I have talked about my eating disorder and emotional support animals in some of my previous posts, but I had never said it to the world until now: I have PTSD!
I will not share with you the details that caused and triggered my PTSD, because they are quite personal, but I do want to share with you how it was affecting me and what I decided to do about it.
How it was affecting me
The major problem for me was the depression, that is what drove me to therapy, especially after I notice it was worsening my eating disordered behaviors. During last summer, BJ started noticing how “sentimental” I was. At first, we both put it aside under the excuse that give our long-distance relationship I was having a hard time re adjusting to being home. It wasn’t until our trip to New York, that we both realized how bad things were and we had a very open-hearted talk about mental health and the things I was struggling with. He was a great support from the moment I told him, he is always making sure he can help however he can and most importantly he’s always there to listen.
Another thing that was strongly affecting me was a lack sleep due to vivid and constant nightmares. Not sleeping led to other issues like being unable to concentrate in school, forgetting things, being tired all the time and not being motivated. I started drinking insane amounts of coffee and overall caffeinated and sugary drinks, like pop and energy drinks, which are not healthy and should not be consumed in the amount I was drinking them.
Lastly, I started having anxiety and panic attack, which discouraged me from going to new places and trying new things.
What I did about it
First of all, I started going to therapy. Luckily, this resource was available for free through my university. I had weekly appointments for January and half of February, before I had an appointment with a psychiatrist who gave a prescription which treats PTSD and clinical depression. I continue to have weekly appointments with a psychologist and monthly appointments with the psychiatrist.
I also do journaling, which I have really bad at lately, but I do have a specific journal that has daily questions about life. I’ve also started going on daily walks, doing meditation, BJ has allowed me to keep as many plants as I’ve wanted (I say allow because I love plants and I can go crazy planting things), I have worked on not isolating myself and spending more time in the living room with my roommates rather than locking myself in my room. There has been a lot of my recovery that has come from being present in every moment and constantly reminding myself how far I’ve come and the fact that all of those things that happened in the past can no longer hurt me.
That is it for today
I am sorry if this was a longer post, I felt like I couldn’t continue with the blog until I openly talked about something that affects my daily life. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please seek help. The recovery process is hard and can be very painful, but it is worth it, and things do get better. It has only been two months since I started going to therapy and barely a month since I started medication, and I feel so much better. I’ve had people, who don’t know anything about my PTSD, tell me that I look happier and more energized and just overall better. There is no point in continuing to suffer through something that can be healed, you have to put on the effort and work, but happiness is the best reward you could ever get.
As always, let me know your thought in the comments bellow!