Hello to all of you wonderful humans
Today’s post is a more personal one since I will be talking about sex and my personal experience with it. If you don’t feel comfortable reading about this, feel free to exit the post–I won’t be mad.
I decided to write this post because I personally had a terrible experience with my high school boyfriend. Because pressure and manipulation where a big part of our relationship and no one had talked to me–like really talked to me–about the relationship between sex and love, I ended up having sex before I was ready and when I didn’t want to. So, this post is especially directed to anyone who might be between that limbo not wanting to but feeling like you have to.
No one can ever force you to do something you don’t want to do
…or at least no one should. The sad truth is that you can be forced to have sex, that is called rape. Rape is never the victim’s fault and is always a serious situation and should be treated as such.
Rape, however, is not what I want to talk about. When you are with someone, regardless of whether married or not, if that person loves you, they should respect your desire not to have sex. This is especially important if you are a virgin teenager, why do I say this?
Let’s say you are a teenage girl, 16 like I was, and you have your first boyfriend. Everything seem to be going great, he takes you out on dates, he’s extremely romantic, he tells you that you are beautiful, that he loves you, that you are the best thing that could have happened to him, and you are in love–head over heels– in love with him. Then, he says “let’s have sex” you don’t want to or aren’t entirely sure about whether you want it or not. He says it’s okay, he’s not going to pressure you, and you feel like he’s the best boyfriend you could have.
Months go by and he mentions it again, this time he says: “we love each other, so let’s have sex.” At that moment, your heart squishes and hurts and you feel like if you don’t have sex with him it is because you don’t love him. Let me tell you something I have learned, you can love someone a lot and still say no. If you are not ready, it is OKAY! RESPECTING AND LOVING YOUR BODY AND SELF, IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHETHER OR NOT SOMEONE THINKS YOU ARE COOL!!! I don’t even talk to 90% of the people from my high school, I quite honestly don’t even know if my high school boyfriend is still alive or not, yet I gave him something that is precious: my intimacy, myself, my values, my dignity. In that moment, I gave him sex in exchange of what I thought was love, and lost complete control of myself.
The first time, I said yes because I was afraid to lose him, but every time after that he didn’t ask anymore, he demanded. He kept saying things like “if you love me” or “I do everything for you, why can’t you do this for me.” Later on, his words became threatening and I was extremely unhappy. I wasn’t loved, I was being used–Funnily enough, he was going around having sex with other girls, while telling me that my entire worth came from my ability to keep him happy.
THAT IS NOT LOVE. Hear it from me, a complete stranger, exchanging sex for love is not worth it, because whatever you are getting from that person is not love. He can bring you the moon if he wants, but if he is not capable of respecting your desire to wait, he does not love you. Leave that dude, it will feel like the end of the world (break ups always feel like that) but do it, because you deserve so much more than that. You deserve a man who loves your soul so much, that he would never even think to hurt your body or mind.
The other day, BJ told me something I never expected to hear from a man, he said “I don’t ever want you to send me a naked picture of yourself. When a girl does that, she reduces herself to a sex object and you are not that. You are so much more, you are a beautiful, smart, and incredibly amazing human being.” YOU WERE NOT CREATED TO BE A SEX TOY, you are meant to be a light, don’t ever let anyone take that away. A person who loves you will never pressure you into doing something you have already said no to. You will–like I have–find someone who truly loves you and he will be worth the wait.
I hope this wasn’t too much
I know this post was significantly more personal than usual, but I have had it on the back of my mind for a while now and today is as good as any other day. As always, leave your comments down below. You can always contact me if you want to have a personal and private conversation, I am available to anyone and that includes you.
Until you return next week, make sure to go around and spread your love! Thank you for reading.