Hello everyone! If you are reading this it means I got married! Yeiii!!! I have been a little MIA when it comes to the blog because of planning, so this is a schedule post that you guys get to read as I enjoy my first day as a wife. This is something I wrote for Brandon as he is now my husband, and I am sharing it with everyone because it answers the one question I get the most “how I knew he was the one.”
I love you. I know that doesn’t fill 18 pages, it is barely three words but it is the truth none the less. I could try to use the cliches about not being able to find enough words that describe this love, or dive into poetic metaphors that pretend to describe this madness we decided to embrace.
Instead I wanted to talk about the past. Not many people know that when I moved to Iowa I was desperately trying to be happy and in a certain degree it worked. So when I meet you, a part of me was just wanting you to fix me. I felt like ever since being in a toxic relationship in high school I had been broken and wanted someone to fix me, but you didn’t fix me. You didn’t magically make happy, you didn’t solve all of my problems, in fact mental illness is something I am still battling.
So instead of finding someone who would fix me, I found someone who taught me how love to myself. You didn’t pick up the pieces and arranged them however you wanted them, you helped arrange them myself. You taught that I don’t need to have all together everyday, that is okay to be vulnerable and ask for help. You made me realize the many qualities I had forgotten about myself and you helped me let go of things that were hurting me. And even tho I am no where near perfect, you love me for me, the sarcastic-overreacting-insane-lactose-intolerant me. So this isn’t a speech like in the movies when someone stands in front of a crowd to profess their undying love for someone else, this is me letting you know that I can feel the way you love me.
And I want to say thank you, for every weekend you drove down to davenport, for the lucky charms on the top shelf and the party size pack of Oreos that I’ve been eating the past month. Thank you for your silly jokes and the overly sarcastic ones, specially the ones you have had to explain. Thank you for the time you’ve taken care of the geckos and for accepting that one day we’ll have two cats.
But most of all I am thankful for the moments when you hugged me when I cried, for helping me fall asleep and feel safe after terrible nightmares, for never yelling at me regardless of how frustrated you felt, for holding my hand in public, and for watching the Grinch for the 100th time with me. Thank you for loving me in such intimate soul to soul kind of way.
I love too