Hello wonderful human beings, how are you today? I am really tired. You see, in the past couple of nights I’ve had really bad sleep. I keep having this weird, nonsensical dreams that won’t let me rest.
Anyhow, last night I started watching “Eat, Pray, Love” for the very first time, and I am trying to finish it right now. If you have watched the movie, do you remember the scene when she’s Italy and she learns about “il dolce far niente” the sweetness of doing nothing.
When I lived in Spain, I remember thinking how odd it was that everything would be closed because of the afternoon nap and a couple of times I was told I worked too hard, which I didn’t understand then, because I was doing what I thought had to be done in order to be a good nurse.
Now, I realize that I wasn’t doing what made me a good nurse but in reality I gave (and lost) my entire self to something I thought gave me worth. I used to think that being the absolutely devoted nurse, that gave her all to her patients, was the thing that made me worth something.
Then, one day I found myself crying in the kitchen floor, having the first panic attack of my life, so I decided to change. Or rather realized that I had no other option but to change, because otherwise I would end up stepping in front of a moving car.
So when I moved to Iowa and decided to go study things that I loved, regardless of whether they would guarantee a job in the future or not. And I learned much more than I ever thought I would.
Now I know that I’ve always been worth it, because my worth doesn’t come from how busy I am or what career I have or how hard I work. And in the life that you only get to live once, your happiness is so much more important than whatever kind of “worth” that society has arbitrary decided to give you or take away from you.
So if nothing else, take away this, today I woke to a view I love waking up to, and I get to write this blog and make books, and then on the afternoons I get to drink tea and lay next to my husband and enjoy the life I am living.
So maybe get off the treadmill that is telling you to keep running towards something that you will never achieve because good is never good enough.
And that’s all for today, that is my sleep-deprived, unsolicited advice. I hope you have an awesome day, and don’t forget to do something that makes you happy.