A return to myself

I think autumn brings with it a certain magic that makes the world slow down. That first brisk morning after the equinox, when you no longer need the AC and you have your windows open, the sunrise lingering a little longer. The world remains quiet as you pour a cup of coffee, and it feels as if you have been gifted extra time.

Today the baby woke up at 5 am, and then again at 6, so when I laid him down at 6:40, I decided to go on with my day instead of going back to bed. There was a recipe for oatmeal brownies I had been wanting to try and today seemed like the perfect morning to warm up the house with the oven.

At 7 am the birds were beginning to arrive at the garden to pick seeds from the sunflower heads. Chickadees are starting to wander out of the wooded areas to search for a more reliable source of food as the forest begins to fall asleep. Soon it will be time to set out the winter feeders, and wait for the juncos to migrate back.

I decided to relish in the quietness, to not turn the tv on or play any music. I found myself feeling more like me, as if this gifted time had brought me back to the me I was before becoming a mom. It felt the same way I felt the first time I went back to Guatemala after I obtained my green card; I expected to find a home inside of time capsule, pause on the day I left, but instead I found out that even though I recognized the street names, there was now buildings were there used to be bare land. That there are now stretch marks on new places, and tiredness around eyes that used to be so eager. That there is now a new understanding of unconditional love

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