Coffee with Andrea – All Wonderful, All Crazy, All Me

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My Art is Moving Forward

Hello wonderful human beings, how have you been? I am excited to have some time to write here since I feel like I’ve abandoned the blog in the past month or so. I have so many exciting things going on right now, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. First of all, let’s
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September 16, 2021

Instagram @samayoaandrea

Rainbow carrots 🌈🥕 I think back in heaven when God was giving out talents, he gave me the ability to grow/harvest 3 lbs of tomatoes a day but decided to keep the carrot growing for someone else 😅 I guess we just can't be good at everything and that's okay!

I made this cute little notebook with tea stained paper, and made the cover using handmade paper.

Henry wanted to snuggle everyone today, so we took turns. I'm not so sure about Marley enjoying it, but I sure did! 😆

The Fishtival today was a success! Not so much for the money (tho having some extra money is always nice and I am thankful for the people who supported me), but it was success because of the teacher who wanted unique notebooks to show student how much fun journaling can be, and the lady who was moved to tears after reading one of my poems, or the teenager who jumped out of excitement when they found a notebook with rainbows and hearts. There was someone who said they wanted to create a special place in their house for my painting because it was especial and it meant something to them. So I put myself out of my comfort zone to do something that scared me and I was rewarded by people who felt a connection to what I do—and that's all more than I could have asked for.

I stayed alive for her. Today is #suicidepreventionday so I want to talk about something that always makes me cry. I was 13 the first time I remember actually wanted to die. I don't remember wanting to kill myself but I do remember wanting to die. I had fantasies about car crashes or house fires where everyone would survive but me. I had written letters and even planed my goodbyes but never attempted to end my life because I knew it would break my little chipmunk's heart, I knew she wouldn't understand. So I stayed alive for her, until I knew how to stay alive for me. I didn't go to therapy until 2018 when I was 22, I lived wanting to die for 10 years, then I was diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD. I had to be on medication for a year because I reached the point where I couldn't just live with it. Back in 2016 when I dropped out of nursing school and drastically changed my life, I did it after I was almost ran over by car. I remember crying in the kitchen floor wishing that car had actually hit me, so I moved back home. And when I was back Cora was waiting for me, so I stayed alive for her. Now I stay alive for me, because I am happier now, because I know life is worth living. 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed it was possible to have a life as beautiful as the one I have, 10 years ago I didn't even want to be alive. Today I want to help others realize that they are worthy of happiness and love, always have and always will. I also want people to know that mental illness isn't about the things you have or how perfect your life seems, a sick brain isn't magically cured by nice things. Most people don't carry around a sign listing all of the trauma they have gone through, it doesn't matter how beautiful/wonderful/perfect someone's life looks like, you never know what people have gone through or what they are going through. Just like you wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg that they have no reason for a cast because they already knew how to walk, you don't tell a suicidal person (or anyone with mental illness) that their life is too good for them to have a reason to be sad. A sick brain is a sick brain.

Look at these super cute pocket notebooks I made! They are 3 inches by 5 inches, and made with 175 gsm mixed media paper in white.

Are you ready for September?

One of the best parts about my job is getting to make beautiful memories with Henry! We had a lot of fun playing with paint today.

Another little notebook finished! I love this one so much I might have to keep it 😅